AN ATHELTE'S MENTAL HEALTH: Choosing Peace Over Pressure

Athletes are often praised for their dedication, their victories, and their ability to push past limits. I know this firsthand because I was a Division I volleyball recruit.

As a person who walked away from the sport I love, which is volleyball, because it was causing me to have extreme anxiety, I know firsthand how athletes ignore, dismiss, and keep silent about the feelings they are having.

Between school ball and travel club ball, I played year-round. My anxiety came from my need to be perfect on and off the court. I worked hard to get in extra practices to make sure I remained a Division One recruit, meet my high school coach’s expectations, take all AP classes, graduate with honors, and still try to have a social life. As a 14-year-old freshman on the varsity team, I was constantly compared to our hometown volleyball superstar. Hearing people say “she is going to be our next superstar” added pressure I was not ready for. Thankfully, my mom reminded everyone, “Her name is Kayla.”

I also tore my ACL while playing in Puerto Rico, which kept me off the court for nine months. The physical recovery was grueling, but the mental recovery was even harder. I remember feeling overwhelmed during my first game back, and I know many athletes deal with the fear of being injured again. My coach added to that stress by saying, “Get ready, your team needs you!” That kind of pressure weighed heavily on me. While I was out, I often felt disconnected from my team. Others were eager to prove they could win without me, and I was sometimes left out of activities, which only made my mental health worse.

Mental health in athletes has always been important to me because I have lived it. Fans, coaches, friends, and even family sometimes perceived my struggles as laziness or a lack of dedication. But it was deeper than that. My ability to play well or not play well came from many things, such as the pressure to be perfect, the trauma of a serious injury, and the weight of public opinion. I am certain other athletes have experienced the same cycle.

Walking away from volleyball was not quitting. It was choosing peace, choosing health, and choosing to redefine myself outside of the game.

If you are an athlete and walked away, tell me about it in the comments.